tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2365741394823775972024-03-18T23:43:05.070-04:00Cancer Survivor Inspiration...Thoughts,readings,inspiration and other cool stuff for those whose lives have been met with cancerUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-74914224596332329862010-09-21T19:51:00.003-04:002010-09-21T20:01:38.817-04:00How Does It Affect You?How does being diagnosed with cancer affect you? Something I think everyone either has been asked by others or we ask ourselves when sitting quietly. Do you get down, inspired, angry, ready to "live no matter what happens"? <br /><br />How do you react when someone else dies of cancer, famous actor, athlete, family member or someone you read about in the paper?<br /><br />Where does your mind go when you get a sore throat, headache, stomach pain? Is it the cancer, another form of cancer, a side effect from treatment?<br /><br />When you wake up each day and your first thought is "I have cancer", how does it affect you?<br /><br />When someone you haven't seen in a while, asks quietly, "how are you feeling"? What about when they state, "you really look good". Are they asking in general or are they wanting to really know what is going on with you. And how should someone with cancer look? <br /><br />Just some thoughts that tend to happen every week and wondered what others think of how cancer affects them.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-82676130514510473812010-09-14T20:13:00.012-04:002010-09-14T20:52:50.871-04:00Living the Double Life<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxyixzVkhBr8UrzLQCm_iIb2YJPnlLARv152nG-xGkklQPudARd-MWqVcrolB5PfO6hwb-nDx_kEE8hy4BSHb2fktBW0C04eEqPzM1hSGhi6_kijhp3xiFrCmySBs5x0vtlNqmsiBJRAcs/s1600/mirror-reflection-in-sphere2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxyixzVkhBr8UrzLQCm_iIb2YJPnlLARv152nG-xGkklQPudARd-MWqVcrolB5PfO6hwb-nDx_kEE8hy4BSHb2fktBW0C04eEqPzM1hSGhi6_kijhp3xiFrCmySBs5x0vtlNqmsiBJRAcs/s200/mirror-reflection-in-sphere2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516928971478153986" /></a><br />Ever since being diagnosed three years ago, the internal struggle to keep living life in the face of cancer has been wearing. Some days I just want to work and forget that I was ever diagnosed and some days I want to embrace the fact that I have cancer and grab the opportunity to live like there is no tomorrow. Some days I want to work on projects related to my career and some days want to write additions to the book that is slowly coming along. Some days I want to go to the doctor for the small things that won't go away and then I remember I have cancer and do I really want to go in the event the small things aren't that small?<br /><br />Living life with chronic cancer can be daunting. Treatment has worked so far so "get out there and live." Go to work, play, take out the trash, feed the dogs...just get on with life. But wait, the cancer is lurking, will it show up soon, will it stay away for many years, will the small ache be something really large? Do you turn away from the big "C" and try to forget or do you pay respect to the monster, keep eating organic, keep daily prayer, and prepare for the worse?<br /><br />We are all going to die, we just don't know when. Being diagnosed just helps to face the known a little sooner and possibly a little harsher in that we get a heads up. The double life that must be balanced is the life of either being a person living with cancer or a person disabled by the fact that cancer has struck. Will I face the monster heads on and keep living or try to avoid the facts and run from the monster to the life that was there prior to being diagnosed? Will I ignore the message that I was given to get on with a life that is worth living because there isn't a guarantee of tomorrow? Do I want to wait until I'm sick again to only then wish I was eating right, exercising regularly and tell myself I won't let this take me or do I pay respect and realize that every day, every moment, every breath is a gift to not take for granted?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0sYraTY4h113MZO5EweClA_0GGQ6iBYEHbRIlWqEdTfuL1NJF7ySjJZqP-H4Lb1QpaZnxuoD7bEaAG6EPD2XTdd2jy2nFL1VTEHHTgjqcYzosw7W8tp7n-F-QhnyeSCHPnxL-RWCIxFcs/s1600/thankful.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 127px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0sYraTY4h113MZO5EweClA_0GGQ6iBYEHbRIlWqEdTfuL1NJF7ySjJZqP-H4Lb1QpaZnxuoD7bEaAG6EPD2XTdd2jy2nFL1VTEHHTgjqcYzosw7W8tp7n-F-QhnyeSCHPnxL-RWCIxFcs/s200/thankful.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516935538649487922" /></a><br /><br />My hope is that every day I awake to give life a chance, to breathe every moment I get a chance and to realize that there is no guarantee. To not wait until I get sick again to only then plan to prepare but I get going now. To pay cancer the respect it deserves but not forget that I am a person living this life and not a diseased body just waiting for my turn. I not only wish this for myself, but for all those affected by this illness, to the survivors who bring strength.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEC8LYtrxU1gUM_fgDSiCCBa8ef5hyphenhyphenBd3v2j1IMWmdT_3Z-aunYapdqROaRjJZ858CpI305338xiiJ53waxtafBLDA_1fPx7voDKD7et6IcqEj3r0ymNbtQ_6-0FIuoLunKPNakehjRQpw/s1600/hope.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEC8LYtrxU1gUM_fgDSiCCBa8ef5hyphenhyphenBd3v2j1IMWmdT_3Z-aunYapdqROaRjJZ858CpI305338xiiJ53waxtafBLDA_1fPx7voDKD7et6IcqEj3r0ymNbtQ_6-0FIuoLunKPNakehjRQpw/s200/hope.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516935246505516178" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-86602140424707806922010-08-20T21:39:00.008-04:002010-08-20T21:51:26.489-04:00Voice of the PatientSeems like each doctor visit, each lab draw, each scan brings forth another opportunity to come in contact with another health care provider. Someone who has their own struggles, their own dreams and their own day to day chores that we have as a patient. What sometimes happens is that in the rush of work, keeping up productivity and being pressed for time to get through each test, lab draw and visit, the focus on the patient can be lost.<br /><br />The focus on being present is something that many strive for in each and every day. The problem comes in when being a patient may not fall in line with the lack of focus that the health care provider may have at that moment when we need them. It might have been there for the previous patient and might be there for the next one, but if it's not there for us at that moment, all might be lost. Our voice needs to be heard, not necessarily loud but heard for what we need at that moment. Sometimes a smile, a thank you, an appreciative word might be all that's needed to bring the focus of the health care staff back into the moment. <br /><br />The voice of the patient is so very important, no matter what stage we might be undergoing with our treatment. Take a moment to watch this video as it brings a lot of power and is worth a brief moment in time to watch. The video is from <a href="http://www.urbanzen.org/"target=_blank>Urban Zen</a><br /><br /><object height="425" width="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/896HxBtJIT0?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/896HxBtJIT0?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="425" width="420"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-84226404174960918392010-08-11T18:00:00.000-04:002010-08-11T18:00:19.973-04:00Roly Rolon will give $15,000 to LIVESTRONG. http://VoteRoly.com<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/t-o4YBnfHPs&hl=en_US&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/t-o4YBnfHPs&hl=en_US&fs=1" width="480" height="295" allowScriptAccess="never" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><br /><br />Sometimes you come across someone is works hard and tries to make a difference...this guy hits the markUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-67002121401610968792009-08-26T21:37:00.002-04:002009-08-26T22:00:15.357-04:00The Internal VoiceSome days it seems like time is standing still. Life's struggles are there, movement forward is lacking and the fear of the future is present. Take one day at a time, take small steps, 1 step at at a time and so on to make the enormous seem manageable. Momentum seems to be a key in keeping progress occurring and preventing staleness.<br /><br />In between the doctor visits, IV drips and CT scans, life can seem so normal...is that so bad? Sometimes at those times the momentum can slow down and the internal struggle can build to resist eating right, not exercise, avoid meditation and all the things that can help in fighting the battle that cancer can bring. Often fear promotes movement and the feeling to change things from the status quo. An inspirational story read or heard of others can spark that inner fight and energy to keep moving forward. And isn't it great when this can cause the spark instead of a medical test result or a treatment session. Take the time to listen to the stories of the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com//interactive/2009/05/27/health/MARATHON_VOICES.html?ref=nutrition" target="'_blank">Running Voices</a> and see if the momentum to keep up the fight is ignited.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-86573032314561242372009-08-18T20:34:00.002-04:002009-08-18T20:52:18.413-04:00I'm Tired<div align="left">It's been quite a while since I last wrote. Life has been keeping me going in too many directions and too much irritation from sinus issues since June...still no excuse. I guess I am overall tired. Living with this chronic disease stuff has taken many turns as I am sure others have been through themselves. Recent rounds of Rituxan brought great hope and after the first round feeling great, the second brought less than that. The timing of another sinus infection concurrently with treatment made things worse than I would have liked but I must keep going. I keep having feelings of being tired and not just fatigue tired but tired of many of the challenges that have come my way.<br /><br />Tired of...</div><ul><li><div align="left">Antibiotics</div></li><li><div align="left">Doctor visits</div></li><li><div align="left">Taking time off from work for medical reasons and not vacation time</div></li><li><div align="left">Missing the opportunity for an extended vacation this summer in order to spend four weeks with an IV drip of Rituxan</div></li><li><div align="left">Reading information on Leukemia and Lymphoma is hope for something new to consider</div></li><li><div align="left">Being drained mentally and not feeling like having the fun I used to</div></li><li><div align="left">Not exercising as much as I have done due to the excuse of being too tired</div></li><li><div align="left">Working hard to eat a good diet in hopes of feeling better</div></li><li><div align="left">Waking up and realizing that I have cancer</div></li><li><div align="left">Going to sleep and remembering that I have cancer</div></li><li><div align="left">Seeing people enjoying life while I think of what I could be doing for myself to prevent symptoms from occurring</div></li><li><div align="left">Did I mention not having a summer vacation due to too much time spent from work for medical reasons?</div></li><li><div align="left">Just plain tired of having chronic cancer</div></li></ul><p align="left">So what should I do? I keep telling myself to keep strong, fight this stuff, find hope in the blessings that I have been given, enjoy each day and my family for the love that they give, be thankful for the work that I am able to do but still I feel tired. I am sure that this too shall pass but I am getting a little impatient. I do want to write more often and have been working on a book idea I have as I feel that I want to share more of my experience. I often find myself thinking of what I want to do with my life...I guess I should just live life and let the answers unfold as I go. But tonight I am tired so I think I'll get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day of hope.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-7023286550933693862009-06-23T12:45:00.002-04:002009-06-23T12:52:05.418-04:00Be The MatchSomething to consider for all those connected to cancer<br /><br /><img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNDU3NzU1NTAxMTUmcHQ9MTI*NTc3NTU2NjAzNyZwPTEyMDc*MSZkPWhRQ2x2dnJPRmFIZlQtaWMmZz*yJnQ9Jm89Y2FlNTJmMjY4NTgzNGFlOTg4NTZlMWExYzZiYzVkYmImb2Y9MA==.gif" /><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" id="playerLoader" width="350" height="380" codebase="http://fpdownload.macromedia.com/get/flashplayer/current/swflash.cab"><param name="movie" value="http://farm.sproutbuilder.com/load/hQClvvrOFaHfT-ic.swf" /><param name="quality" value="best" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed src="http://farm.sproutbuilder.com/load/hQClvvrOFaHfT-ic.swf" width="350" height="380" name="playerLoader" align="middle" wmode="transparent" play="true" loop="false" quality="best" allowScriptAccess="always" allowFullScreen="true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.adobe.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-72808403457826562612009-06-03T19:55:00.004-04:002009-06-04T08:20:41.248-04:00Just When You ThinkI have not written anything in a while as life has been keeping my on the run. Sometimes recently I feel as though I am not sure which way is ahead and where I have been. The one thought that keeps going through my head, is that something is pushing me in a new direction. Not quite sure which direction but get the feeling that is is different than where I have been before. Maybe the period being almost 2 years post diagnosis(July 3rd) is settling in to ask me "just what are you doing"?<br /><br />Searching for answers that I'm told lie within still leads me to look outside, to music, books, and other's writings. I just finished a great little book titled, <a href="http://findingmymarbles.com/index.htm" target="'-blank">Finding My Marbles</a>. The book can be read in a very short amount of time and offers a great message around the idea of losing your marbles and being trapped in what can sometimes be a disjointed life. Check it out and let me know what you think.<br /><br />Some days, as I have written about, seem difficult to get the energy going to "make it a great day." Sometimes though, just when you think it will be an off day, something happens to bring a spark of hope, joy, laughter. It can be a phone call, a funny joke, a great customer service experience in an otherwise mundane stop by the grocery, or it could be an email that catches your eye. This is what grabbed me today, an email from <a href="http://www.davidmbailey.com/home.html" target="'_blank">David Bailey</a>, fellow cancer survivor. Sign up on his email list, and you will receive incredible writings that he produces. It often amazes me that any one person could write such powerful verse, and often. Today he sent out a note titled, Just when I thought. I have included the words here, with his permission, as it spoke to me and hopefully will to you.<br /><div align="center">Just when I thought<br />I had nothing left to say<br />The new morning brought<br />A few more words my way<br />Again I was taught<br />To celebrate each day<br />it’s always worth a shot<br />When hope shows up, let her stay<br />Now me, I used to have a lot<br />Of reasons I’d delay<br />But time is shorter than I thought<br />Don’t wanna let it waste away<br />So at the break of every day<br />I wanna live what I been taught<br />I’ve seen the games that people play<br />It don’t take much to get distraught<br />And be that as it may<br />I guess that’s why I still jot<br />Down what I’m trying to say<br />Even when I just cannot<br />Be certain things will go my way<br />But I’m sure there’s still a lot<br />To do before I hit the hay<br />Creeping up in my blind spot<br />Is something we call yesterday<br />Don’t let it be an afterthought<br />There’s time to try another way<br />Oh – and I almost forgot<br />Shout it out with me: Anchors Away! </div><div align="center"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"><br />I only hope that I can celebrate each day, take the time to slow down and let life move through me versus trying to force myself on life. That way, the experiences that just happen to come by for a visit will have a place to stay, even if for a few moments. <br /><br />Live with hope<br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-41142651646840680112009-05-11T21:58:00.004-04:002009-05-12T07:38:17.213-04:00A Great Cause...DrumstrongSometimes you come across a very worthy cause and I hope you can take a few minutes to watch the video that describes a great benefit coming up this weekend just outside Charlotte NC. The event details are on the site <a href="http://www.drumstrong.org/home.htm" target="_blank">http://www.drumstrong.org/home.htm</a><br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7SK0Sl-wBVo&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7SK0Sl-wBVo&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-37655086252481678832009-04-30T21:38:00.006-04:002009-04-30T22:24:28.049-04:00Where to Look Each Day<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLVKeIp-ylV9z_JbAdLHl9b8uYFbNesP4QvFGcxl1yOjhZijcIRv-4Wcopijkz4h1aDcs5WHhyphenhyphenhMKB6MzCmeuzcR2c_pHGXXTTf3-M1vrTYUfo6sGCSzsUkCP2t5xYa_PD7iOsD8ZNQKJm/s1600-h/CIMG0836.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5330673984474125906" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 150px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLVKeIp-ylV9z_JbAdLHl9b8uYFbNesP4QvFGcxl1yOjhZijcIRv-4Wcopijkz4h1aDcs5WHhyphenhyphenhMKB6MzCmeuzcR2c_pHGXXTTf3-M1vrTYUfo6sGCSzsUkCP2t5xYa_PD7iOsD8ZNQKJm/s200/CIMG0836.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div><br />Day to day living after being diagnosed with cancer can be challenging. In between the doctor visits, tests, treatments, waiting for test results lies days to just live. Days that might require going to work, taking care of family issues, going to children's activities. Life after diagnosis has a new meaning and many might think that once faced with this would come open roads to do what brings great meaning, joy and not putting off for tomorrow.<br /><br />The daily activities that were present before the day of diagnosis do not mysteriously go away and lead to the wide open world of carpe diem. Family members still have needs, children still need to be played with, read to and given bathes. It would be nice to sell the house and move to the Caribbean but life must go on. Yes, priorities might change and plans moved up, but when day to day life calls, where does one find inspiration?<br /><br />I recently read a post from the blog, <a href="http://zenhabits.net/2009/04/30-incredible-places-to-turn-when-you-need-inspiration/" target="'-blank">Zen Habits </a>that lists 30 incredible places to turn when you need inspiration. In the post, Leo Babuta had asked readers on Twitter for ideas and he put many of his favorites on the site. The list is interesting and many do not require an electrical hook up or WIFI.<br /><br />It can be challenging to find ways to bring inspiration into daily lives that often require routine tasks. I would love to hear from others what they find inspiring.<br />Today it was 20 minutes reading with a cup of tea before heading into work. Have to say the time taken was well worth it. </div><br /><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-56746764183546202022009-04-23T19:45:00.002-04:002009-04-23T20:16:42.639-04:00Looking Forward<div align="left">A while back I wrote a post about <a href="http://cancersurvivorinspiration.blogspot.com/2008/11/hope.html">hope</a>, and what hope can bring. I recently began reading a book by <a href="http://www.jeromegroopman.com/">Jerome Gropeman, MD </a>titled, <em>The Anatomy of Hope.</em> Early in the book he writes, </div><div align="left"><br /></div><div align="center">"Hope can arrive only when you recognize that there are real options and that you have genuine choices. Hope can flourish only when you believe that what you do can make a difference, that your actions can bring a future different from the present. To have hope, then, is to aquire a belief in your ability to have some control over your circumstances. You are no longer entirely at the mercy of forces outside yourself."</div><div align="center"><br /></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">This passage sums up alot of what I have come to believe since being diagnosed in 2007. Hope, choices, keeping a sense of control and bringing a future different from the present. This road into a new way of life has many curves and detours but hope can provide direction that cannot end in a road block. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />I recently met with my doctor to go over blood work since undergoing a round of Rituxan treatment. In his words, "if someone brought me these values, I couldn't diagnose you with Leukemia." These words instill a sense of hope, not that this disease will be gone forever, but that I had made a good choice to start this treatment. This choice came after seeking another medical opinion and the opinion of others who had undergone similar treatment. This choice came after hours of reading, searching, studying and taking control over things that I once had let go untouched. I had made the choice that I don't want to hand control over to others but be an active participant in my health care. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />The loss of control is something that many people face when dealing with a serious disease such as cancer. As Dr. Groopman writes, to acquire a belief in your ability to have some control... The control may come in small or large ways, but there needs to be some level of control that we as patient's must have. </div><div align="center"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />I look forward to days of feeling good, having energy and living life. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-59313818277742720242009-03-23T20:20:00.003-04:002009-03-23T21:05:48.791-04:00Modeh Ani<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL20XLrS13GZtdlnevxBEFEDX7nu535QH6SYmt10bAverG4h4ptA-nhOziYLSrmXXmfTcgDdX6w5DHTffaer6BHlwvIi1ujdEu_KCLjK5TjIHY8xmp7qSWoZ_GSnHoEXDt07IvcxdxjBaQ/s1600-h/birthday+candles.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316548753273257298" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 281px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL20XLrS13GZtdlnevxBEFEDX7nu535QH6SYmt10bAverG4h4ptA-nhOziYLSrmXXmfTcgDdX6w5DHTffaer6BHlwvIi1ujdEu_KCLjK5TjIHY8xmp7qSWoZ_GSnHoEXDt07IvcxdxjBaQ/s320/birthday+candles.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div><em>Tomorrow is my birthday</em>...turning 45 and get to spend the day with my wife, an IV pole dripping with Rituxan and another opportunity to be glad to be here. Couldn't think of another way to spend my 45th and had hoped to finish up this round of Rituxan, but with the reaction I had on day one, we stopped the treatment and continued the following week. Now the last treatment will not be on my birthday as planned. Figure the best thing to give myself this year was the chance to feel better, be healthy and get ready for a great spring time and a big summer vacation. </div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>My first words when I awaken will be...<br /><br /></div><div></div><div></div><div align="center">Modeh ani lefaneicha melech chai v'kayam shehechezarta bi nishmati bechemlah - rabbah emunatecha</div><div align="center">I gratefully thank you, O living and eternal King, for You have returned my soul within me with compassion - abundant is Your faithfulness!</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"></div><div align="left"><br /><br />Am I grateful? You bet ya! </div><div align="left"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-30662713365740816422009-03-10T20:18:00.010-04:002009-03-10T20:50:40.544-04:00Of Mice and Men<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipBF26BfE0eqeJSDdPBCtzLW3Lc_weEThY2fgJR6aVGniTyJSZfs7T7KFCGSvdGcJVA5mEHnzNNzy6WPjz5oGY71zhRrIbymsbawfgABvNow6u6Wcz4dni3cdHW4VL7p4dI2WCn6wEB5SU/s1600-h/mice_5638.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311725507863094178" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 142px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipBF26BfE0eqeJSDdPBCtzLW3Lc_weEThY2fgJR6aVGniTyJSZfs7T7KFCGSvdGcJVA5mEHnzNNzy6WPjz5oGY71zhRrIbymsbawfgABvNow6u6Wcz4dni3cdHW4VL7p4dI2WCn6wEB5SU/s200/mice_5638.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><div>Sometimes during times of illness and facing a disease, there is emphasis on doing all the right things, avoiding over medication usage and even with some, try "natural" approaches. There should be room to be thankful for all the developments that science has offered to allow treatments to be developed that offer hope. Hope to reduce symptoms, improve life and in some cases cure the diseases. Thanks to the scientists who spend many long hours working on drugs and treatment regimens that have become available now and for the future releases of medications yet to be used. Thanks to the MD's and scientists who put these drugs into clinical trials and to those patients willing to participate in these trials. </div><div><br /> </div><div>Rituxan is a monoclonal antibody derived from the benefit of willing mice to give their help with science advancement. Never in my past would I even have thought of mice in such a way and be thankful, but if this drug is as helpful to me as I have read and heard from others...than I must give a hive five to the small 4 leg rodents. </div><br /><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-20951316580339756162009-03-04T20:32:00.002-05:002009-03-04T21:00:11.887-05:00This Too Shall PassStarted a treatment yesterday with single agent Rituxan. Went into this with great anticipation, excitement to feel better and apprehension of the unknown and possible side effects. First treatment reactions have been reported but I felt strong and ready. <br /><br />Well nothing feels strong when your heart rate drops, blood pressure falls, nausea sets in, chest tightens and breathing isn't so easy. After recovering from the acute symptoms, the feelings of sadness and letdown came over me that this treatment might not be tolerated and then what would be next. After the deep sleep following the treatment came I figured why not reach out to others who have gone through this. <br /><br />I emailed a list server, that others with CLL follow, my concerns and waited for the replies to come in. After reading from many(more than I ever expected) speak of their similar situation and experiences along with the words to keep strong and fighting...the phone call came from my nurse to check on me. She had spoken with my doctor and we will try again next week. <br /><br />After waking up and not wanting to get dressed for work, the day ended with hope and a resurgence to be strong and get ready for next week. Sometimes the board is ready, the cards dealt and things still have to be handed over to a source that one cannot control the outcome. But I can prepare myself mentally, physically and remember... this too shall pass.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-52345633499615889092009-02-03T21:13:00.003-05:002009-02-03T21:31:35.560-05:00Tick Tick TickSo another oncologist appointment and the blood draws that occur with each. Finally feel like I am over the 6-8 weeks of sinus and respiratory infection, coughing and just ready to get going again. Overall well but the WBC is rising. Sure it could go much higher before major symptoms arise and other numbers start being affected, kind of feel like a race to see how high the numbers can go without needing treatment, nothing like the watch and wait.<br /><br />Had the vision of the ticking time bomb waiting...waiting...waiting...<br /><br /><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5298761623784577106" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD6hPsC2GaN7FvRQIrCn99RJlH2J_f9Wud88DL5bF89oNGdpRwlRgrecNHT0i9I3o5lpSW74uS_ODK1f_u_1hOYno3VI95O7mCS_Gsu-kkThnN2pkFWCeA_1hXHJsqQmGpxftB358YpMqz/s200/wyle+e+coyote.jpg" border="0" /> </p><p>Then I thought, what not a better reason to enjoy every day, find time to laugh, enjoy those around me and count my blessings as they say down in the south. Sounds kind of cliche' but a time bomb growing within my body, tends to send a strong message, one that I might not have had before, to get going on the life thing, and so on...tick tick tick<br /></p><p> </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-49681963550374712682009-01-24T15:06:00.005-05:002009-01-24T15:20:30.724-05:00Words Can Mean So Much<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe-1sh9NVyWcge_UWO7W_nwMqgqwdqew8kQMDDPu1xktYqFZlnr99oO3ly22NV7YJkwyDtgoPMcc5zAYPeLJT_QEaWHjueZrv1y1BClKFeyh8OirmDT8zvqSoJJ3mze43tLV7JSodzziUI/s1600-h/righteousness_by_faith1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294957363558215170" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 184px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe-1sh9NVyWcge_UWO7W_nwMqgqwdqew8kQMDDPu1xktYqFZlnr99oO3ly22NV7YJkwyDtgoPMcc5zAYPeLJT_QEaWHjueZrv1y1BClKFeyh8OirmDT8zvqSoJJ3mze43tLV7JSodzziUI/s200/righteousness_by_faith1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><div align="center">Where there is faith, there is love. </div><div align="center">Where there is love, there is peace.</div><div align="center">Where there is peace, there is God. </div><div align="center">Where there is God, there is no need.</div><div align="center"><em>-Anonymous</em></div><br /><div align="left">Found this recently and have been pondering the words. Then today read the following blog entry and thought of how inspirational words can be. Sometimes to lift spirit up, bring thoughts inward or to bring thoughts of life that is good.<br /><br /><a href="http://cewilton.blogspot.com/2009/01/january-22-2009-method-in-madness.html">http://cewilton.blogspot.com/2009/01/january-22-2009-method-in-madness.html</a></div><br /><br /><div align="left"></div><br /><br /><div align="left"></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-21725803733032026942008-12-26T21:57:00.003-05:002009-01-18T21:43:47.548-05:00What About NowI created this slideshow and recently found the appropriate music. <em>What About Now </em>by Daughtry<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/avth3zM3NCg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/avth3zM3NCg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Enjoy and more later...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-22873795299772529042008-12-15T20:16:00.006-05:002008-12-15T20:34:41.466-05:00Clouded Vision<img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5280193845616413570" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5JAi2Lo_aIoheGnGhR3TI7cZ7Uf07IzzQQ91bJhpKRsjLYrS8BUUNGBGAnahdWUnVFOEbQsXcq57BWQpn5tV1IDbH0FApeRvd0SYPI30lKqeZ1BrK8DLCePtuNZNsQN8a943FJtJLwUlV/s320/cloudy.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div><div><div>So another round of antibiotics for sinus and upper respiratory infections. Oh, forgot to mention the double eye infection that I thought was gone until 4:00 am today. Another day of work and then wanting to come home to rest for another day. Another day of what I ask myself...Some days it feels as though I see things through cloudy vision(no pun intended) since the watch and wait period began. I lack the energy to run out and play at times, to laugh at other times and sometimes just to smile at others. I see other people laughing, enjoying life and taking part in the various offerings of the city. Me, well I got this diagnosis that occupies too much time on my mind and just don't feel like it. I think at times that this will pass but then remind myself that this ain't going away and I must choose to live, laugh and smile. Some days, I just don't feel like it. Too much clouded vision in my path.<br /></div><br /><div></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-15808622865463578392008-12-11T09:42:00.003-05:002008-12-11T09:48:27.566-05:00The Words of OthersNot feeling good lately with another upper respiratory infection, I came across a blog entry from Carl Wilton who is a survivor of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. In his latest entry he shares some writing that David Bailey has done about survivorship and made me think of my own situation. <br /><br />Today his words are enough said...<br /><br /><a href="http://cewilton.blogspot.com/2008/12/december-9-2008-david-bailey.html">http://cewilton.blogspot.com/2008/12/december-9-2008-david-bailey.html</a><br /><br />more laterUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-5592812206428686202008-11-25T20:05:00.003-05:002008-11-25T21:28:12.100-05:00IkigaiHaving a cancer in which the initial treatment is nothing, just wait for the symptoms, can be daunting at times. Much time is spent on testing for diagnostic purposes and then time is often available to read, research, look into what might lie ahead as the disease progresses. Doctor appointments come and go, blood is drawn, stress levels rise and fall in anticipation and through all this, life must go on.<br /><br />The balance of worry, the unknown, the stories you read and hear, the fact that "the timing of this just isn't good" and oh yeah, don't forget you have cancer and through all this, life must go on.<br /><br /><em>Ikigai, the sense of life worth living</em> came to me today through listening to the radio while driving to work. Sometimes it seems that when one asks, the answer appears. What to make of all this time, between the doctor visits and the waiting...the purpose of life. This will mean different things to each of us, but just the thought to live each day with a purpose, to live with hope, live with happiness and just to live. What the purpose is remains unknown but just to be reminded that there is a purpose to life was all I needed to hear this day, at that time driving, to help make the day start off in a good direction. I guess I have something to be thankful for this season.<br /><br />L'ChaimUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-3807133902533003952008-11-14T17:49:00.004-05:002008-11-14T18:12:04.652-05:00Choices<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_GrqC1TM4NbJ0RFsUP0V-l9N9VNDQ-45EfBoNwdslnqEfoHbVY5k0Z_TCofrgen0HR55Qr0sxaQ-FxsI_z_1q58-aEQJarOn1-Fqdtb2O5n9dy4EpqKq9Gonyhnau-MWdHJ-w2A75bhH-/s1600-h/AMI-fishingfatherandsonatsunset-mar.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5268653672704495650" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 132px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_GrqC1TM4NbJ0RFsUP0V-l9N9VNDQ-45EfBoNwdslnqEfoHbVY5k0Z_TCofrgen0HR55Qr0sxaQ-FxsI_z_1q58-aEQJarOn1-Fqdtb2O5n9dy4EpqKq9Gonyhnau-MWdHJ-w2A75bhH-/s200/AMI-fishingfatherandsonatsunset-mar.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><p align="center">In every moment...Something sacred is at stake </p><p align="center"><br />Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel</p><br />Nothing like a 5 hour plane ride across the country to have the time to clean out the email inbox. Came across this quote and it brought calmness to the flight. Having to leave family to work is tough. Missing time to rest, play, laugh and share times with my family often takes it's toll. But in every moment, something sacred is at stake. I cannot be anywhere else than here at this moment so I will make the best of what I am given. The opportunity to read, sit quietly(with the help of noise reduction headphones), watch a movie and write. I am reminded of something I wrote when I passed my 1 year mark from diagnosis. At the time, I was thinking about choices and what the previous year had meant. I wrote.<br /><p align="center"><br /><em>As I come to a year after being diagnosed (July 3rd), my mind is racing with thoughts of what the last year has brought and what lies ahead. I had the realization that I can make choices daily and that certain things are out of my control. I can choose what to put into my body as far as food and drink goes, I can choose what to put into my mind through thoughts, prayer, reading, music and quiet moments. I can choose to exercise to strengthen my body and mind, I can choose what to take on each day that gives me energy and choose to avoid those things that take energy away from me. All this and the hope that my journey will travel many miles before this dreadful disease takes it's toll. Each day IS a choice and I cherish the idea that I do have choices.</em></p><p align="left"><br />More to come.<br /><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-48595980646494493242008-11-06T10:11:00.015-05:002008-11-10T20:46:07.979-05:00Hope<div align="center">Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. [1] To hope is to wish for something with the expectation of the wish being fulfilled, a key condition in unrequited love. [2] Hopefulness is somewhat different from optimism in that hope is an emotional state, whereas optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern that leads to a positive attitude. "Wikipedia"<br /><br />The following is a poem by <a href="http://www.wendyharpham.com/">Wendy Harpham, MD</a> from her book,<br /><em>Happiness In A Storm </em><br />Posted with permission of author<br /><br /><em>Hope is an image of goals<br />planted firmly in your mind.<br />When looking at life before you,<br />hope lines the paths you find.<br /><br />Hope is a well of courage<br />nestled deep within your heart.<br />When faltering in fear and doubt,<br />hope pushes you to start.<br /><br />Hope is an urge to keep going,<br />for limbs too tired too tired and weak.<br />When apathy stills all desire,<br />hope sparks the fuel you seek.<br /><br />Hope is a promise of patience<br />as you wait for distress to wane.<br />When all you can do is nothing,<br />hope pulls you through the pain.<br /><br />Hope is a spirit that lifts you,<br />should heaviness pull at your soul.<br />When torn apart by losses,<br />hope mends to keep you whole.</em><br /><br /><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji5Q096ASFbHXdunnOE_hFWRC4MyTCnybTusFy8L20Ui4mFKeq8P4hSv5DcKm_T25DnEksff51FWEncboeMd1zMDpc7fcjMfLnoagzP8WREA93vTF_HwCMziFl2vnSGAbmtsm5KL5ekWh_/s1600-h/know+hope.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5265602298696107346" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 124px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 93px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji5Q096ASFbHXdunnOE_hFWRC4MyTCnybTusFy8L20Ui4mFKeq8P4hSv5DcKm_T25DnEksff51FWEncboeMd1zMDpc7fcjMfLnoagzP8WREA93vTF_HwCMziFl2vnSGAbmtsm5KL5ekWh_/s320/know+hope.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Many days, hope is what provides energy, hope is what provides strength, hope is what provides security and hope provides the belief that no matter what lies ahead, all will be well.<br /><br />Some things I hope for...<br />The opportunity to laugh each day<br />A long joy filled life with my wife<br />A smile each day from my son<br />Chances to travel near and far<br />The strength to face the road ahead<br />The opportunity to make a difference<br />The ability to make positive health choices<br />Many chances to share a meal with friends and family<br />The day when my cancer no longer will be chronic<br /><br />To live with hope is something I have adopted within my new "normal" life.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-75089974650046507162008-10-29T22:15:00.010-04:002008-11-02T21:19:34.380-05:00A New "Normal" Way of LifeAfter spending many days and nights thinking about being diagnosed with a chronic cancer, it finally came to me that my life as once known was no longer. There being no cure for chronic leukemia, means that every day I wake up, this will be part of me. Many times each day, the thought pops into my head, "I have cancer". <br /><br />It was then brought to my attention that no matter what I did from this point forward, my life as I once knew would no longer be possible. Yes, I could make the choice to deny that I have been diagnosed with cancer and try to fight the shift towards a new way of life or I could accept the change and make a decision to live life. <br /><br />Some have made the analogy that cancer is like a 800 lb. monster in the room. You can try to fight the monster or you can embrace it and learn to live with it. Every person must make many choices when faced with a diagnosis of any type of cancer, and one of my choices is to embrace the monster, hope for a cure, make the best choices I can for my own health and most of all, live life. <br /><br />Embrace can be defined in many ways, to take or clasp in the arms, to avail oneself of, to take in with the eye and mind or to encircle just to name a few. It does not mean that I wish or desired this to be part of my life but I accept that it is there nonetheless. <br /><br />So now come the choices...how to accept this new way of life and live it to the fullest. One resource I recently read is the book, <br /><em></em><a href="http://www.anticancerways.com/target=-blank">AntiCancer: A New Way of Life</a><em></em> by David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD. This book brings forth information, backed by the research, on important aspects of self care that can be taken on by those diagnosed with cancer. Written in a way that is easy to follow, well documented and very practical from first hand knowledge of the authors' own story of cancer.<br /><br />The following video clip provides a preview as told by the author.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2lwiQm5QaTs&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2lwiQm5QaTs&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />More laterUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-236574139482377597.post-29927115651512187182008-10-26T22:05:00.005-04:002008-10-27T09:03:10.353-04:00Where it all began<div>July 2nd 2007: Stomach pain for 4 weeks leads to MD visit. Referral to GI specialist with blood drawn. Phone call July 3rd 2007: You have abnormal blood levels and we are sending you to an oncologist today at 2:30. Flash forward 4 hours...you most likely have chronic leukemia(CLL) and lymphoma(SLL) so enjoy the 4th of July and come back Thursday for a bone marrow biopsy.</div><br /><div> </div><br /><div> <strong>Chron-ic</strong>: 1. Marked by long duration or frequent recurrence 2. Always present or encountered.<br /><br />From the standpoint of a 43 year old male, anything chronic outside of happiness and a large bank account doesn't sound too appealing. </div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>Flash forward 1 year after multiple blood draws, CT scans, visits to a specialist and alot of reading, searching and asking...you find me here. Something about this chronic disease of leukemia and what is known as "watch and wait" can make one ponder what lies ahead. Watch for symptoms and wait for treatment is what many people deal with when first diagnosed with CLL. Others have written that it is like waiting for the train that is going to hit you, just not sure when it might happen. I have also read that it sounds and feels better to "watch and live". So this is where this disease has taken me at this point. </div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>There are many ways to cope, deal, live with a chronic form of cancer and writing is often listed as one. Inspirational and educational reading is another. Those diagnosed with cancer are often labeled survivors from the date of diagnosis. So thus the name of my site, Cancer Survivor Inspiration. Some written posts will be personal, some what I find inspirational, some what I find educational and some...just plain funny and enjoyable. Will it inspire others? Not sure Will it inspire me? Hopefully. </div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>Anyway, I look forward to many posts of my journey and finding those of others to help me. Names will be changed to (oh you know the details). </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2