Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I'm Tired

It's been quite a while since I last wrote. Life has been keeping me going in too many directions and too much irritation from sinus issues since June...still no excuse. I guess I am overall tired. Living with this chronic disease stuff has taken many turns as I am sure others have been through themselves. Recent rounds of Rituxan brought great hope and after the first round feeling great, the second brought less than that. The timing of another sinus infection concurrently with treatment made things worse than I would have liked but I must keep going. I keep having feelings of being tired and not just fatigue tired but tired of many of the challenges that have come my way.

Tired of...
  • Antibiotics
  • Doctor visits
  • Taking time off from work for medical reasons and not vacation time
  • Missing the opportunity for an extended vacation this summer in order to spend four weeks with an IV drip of Rituxan
  • Reading information on Leukemia and Lymphoma is hope for something new to consider
  • Being drained mentally and not feeling like having the fun I used to
  • Not exercising as much as I have done due to the excuse of being too tired
  • Working hard to eat a good diet in hopes of feeling better
  • Waking up and realizing that I have cancer
  • Going to sleep and remembering that I have cancer
  • Seeing people enjoying life while I think of what I could be doing for myself to prevent symptoms from occurring
  • Did I mention not having a summer vacation due to too much time spent from work for medical reasons?
  • Just plain tired of having chronic cancer

So what should I do? I keep telling myself to keep strong, fight this stuff, find hope in the blessings that I have been given, enjoy each day and my family for the love that they give, be thankful for the work that I am able to do but still I feel tired. I am sure that this too shall pass but I am getting a little impatient. I do want to write more often and have been working on a book idea I have as I feel that I want to share more of my experience. I often find myself thinking of what I want to do with my life...I guess I should just live life and let the answers unfold as I go. But tonight I am tired so I think I'll get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day of hope.


Soapy said...

Mikha'el, I totally identify with the way you are feeling. I am in that place myself at the moment. But somewhere we shall find the strength to keep on doing what we're doing. I too have a blog, Soapy's CLL Journey
Holding hands and sending cyberhugs across the net. Soapy.

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Great Post! I am going to republish it tomorrow, Wednesday 2 September, as one of two posts by leukemia survivors as this week's featured Guest Posts at www.beingcancer.net. I will include two links to your site as well as a link to the original post. You may see a rise in traffic as this is a popular feature.
Take care, Dennis