Of Mice and Men

Sometimes during times of illness and facing a disease, there is emphasis on doing all the right things, avoiding over medication usage and even with some, try "natural" approaches. There should be room to be thankful for all the developments that science has offered to allow treatments to be developed that offer hope. Hope to reduce symptoms, improve life and in some cases cure the diseases. Thanks to the scientists who spend many long hours working on drugs and treatment regimens that have become available now and for the future releases of medications yet to be used. Thanks to the MD's and scientists who put these drugs into clinical trials and to those patients willing to participate in these trials.

Rituxan is a monoclonal antibody derived from the benefit of willing mice to give their help with science advancement. Never in my past would I even have thought of mice in such a way and be thankful, but if this drug is as helpful to me as I have read and heard from others...than I must give a hive five to the small 4 leg rodents.

This Too Shall Pass

Started a treatment yesterday with single agent Rituxan. Went into this with great anticipation, excitement to feel better and apprehension of the unknown and possible side effects. First treatment reactions have been reported but I felt strong and ready.

Well nothing feels strong when your heart rate drops, blood pressure falls, nausea sets in, chest tightens and breathing isn't so easy. After recovering from the acute symptoms, the feelings of sadness and letdown came over me that this treatment might not be tolerated and then what would be next. After the deep sleep following the treatment came I figured why not reach out to others who have gone through this.

I emailed a list server, that others with CLL follow, my concerns and waited for the replies to come in. After reading from many(more than I ever expected) speak of their similar situation and experiences along with the words to keep strong and fighting...the phone call came from my nurse to check on me. She had spoken with my doctor and we will try again next week.

After waking up and not wanting to get dressed for work, the day ended with hope and a resurgence to be strong and get ready for next week. Sometimes the board is ready, the cards dealt and things still have to be handed over to a source that one cannot control the outcome. But I can prepare myself mentally, physically and remember... this too shall pass.

Tick Tick Tick

So another oncologist appointment and the blood draws that occur with each. Finally feel like I am over the 6-8 weeks of sinus and respiratory infection, coughing and just ready to get going again. Overall well but the WBC is rising. Sure it could go much higher before major symptoms arise and other numbers start being affected, kind of feel like a race to see how high the numbers can go without needing treatment, nothing like the watch and wait.

Had the vision of the ticking time bomb waiting...waiting...waiting...

Then I thought, what not a better reason to enjoy every day, find time to laugh, enjoy those around me and count my blessings as they say down in the south. Sounds kind of cliche' but a time bomb growing within my body, tends to send a strong message, one that I might not have had before, to get going on the life thing, and so on...tick tick tick

Words Can Mean So Much

Where there is faith, there is love.

Where there is love, there is peace.

Where there is peace, there is God.

Where there is God, there is no need.

-Anonymous

Found this recently and have been pondering the words. Then today read the following blog entry and thought of how inspirational words can be. Sometimes to lift spirit up, bring thoughts inward or to bring thoughts of life that is good.

http://cewilton.blogspot.com/2009/01/january-22-2009-method-in-madness.html

What About Now

I created this slideshow and recently found the appropriate music. What About Now by Daughtry



Enjoy and more later...

Clouded Vision

So another round of antibiotics for sinus and upper respiratory infections. Oh, forgot to mention the double eye infection that I thought was gone until 4:00 am today. Another day of work and then wanting to come home to rest for another day. Another day of what I ask myself...Some days it feels as though I see things through cloudy vision(no pun intended) since the watch and wait period began. I lack the energy to run out and play at times, to laugh at other times and sometimes just to smile at others. I see other people laughing, enjoying life and taking part in the various offerings of the city. Me, well I got this diagnosis that occupies too much time on my mind and just don't feel like it. I think at times that this will pass but then remind myself that this ain't going away and I must choose to live, laugh and smile. Some days, I just don't feel like it. Too much clouded vision in my path.

The Words of Others

Not feeling good lately with another upper respiratory infection, I came across a blog entry from Carl Wilton who is a survivor of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. In his latest entry he shares some writing that David Bailey has done about survivorship and made me think of my own situation.

Today his words are enough said...

http://cewilton.blogspot.com/2008/12/december-9-2008-david-bailey.html

more later